dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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