everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
