So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
