Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
