he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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