you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize