it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
