I accidentally had phone sex last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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