Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
