Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
