it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
