Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
