I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
