Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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