I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
