just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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