apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
