can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
