dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
