I skipped work to stalk him.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
