i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ugly people sure do ruin things
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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