Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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