She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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