i think my tv is drunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
