Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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