But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
