C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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