Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
