Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
