why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no more duck duck goose at the bar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
