Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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