We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
