It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
