I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This house was built for laser tag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
