I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
