um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
