Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
