it was like his penis was on wheels.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
