Plan B is the new Plan A
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
