I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
