i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
