8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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