dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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