I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
