if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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