well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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