white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
