I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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