i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
