yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
