Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
